I have kept a journal off and on through the years and have found it to be therapeutic and a great way to reflect on my life. I haven't taken the time in the last couple of years. I think it shows. I need time to reflect. I need to examine my emotions and my thoughts on paper. When I don't, I tend to lose myself. I forget who I am. I forget why I'm here, why I get up every morning. I just start existing. I start to forget the most important things and start living from the urgent to the urgent. While my primary job here on this earth at the moment is to keep a home, my primary job is not to keep house. When I look around at strewn clothing and shoes, I tend to forget that the people who strew these items are the reason I am here. I am not here to impress anyone with my spotless house,(not that that would ever happen) but to love and grow these little people into responsible adults. Yes, sometimes that means having them pick up, but I must remember to lovingly teach them, not berate them and make them feel like they don't measure up. I finally realized after years of feeling as though I didn't "measure up" that God doesn't measure me by my standard. He measures Jesus in me and he always, always measures up. That's not to say that I don't have responsibility, it's just that he doesn't love or not love me based on what I do or don't do. I have a tendency to tell my children by my actions that my love is less when they do not please me. Why do I do that? I find myself trying to manipulate them by my anger. What absurdity! The goal I am trying to reach is love!! How in the world could I ever achieve this by my anger? Help me see myself as I really am!