Here are a few pictures from the wedding my friend Deb sent me.

What a Wedding!

Wow! Long time no blog! Those of you who know me know that we have been in the middle of planning a wedding for the past 6 months or so and boy, has it kept me busy! Life has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. The joy of helping to plan my daughter's wedding, the frustration of helping to plan my daughter's wedding, and the saddness of helping to plan my daughter's wedding...knowing that life as we know it will soon be at an end. But a new one will begin! We are so excited for her as she and Luke start their own life. Right now they are in Cancun, Mexico on their honeymoon. Why is it that we did all the work and they get to take the vacation? Oh well, maybe someday... I'll try to get some pictures up soon.
I have to say a few words to and about some incredible people. Deb Crawford and Kathy Darbyshire. You guys are awesome! They baked bread for the reception. About 20 Loaves or so. They were beautiful and tasted just as good as they looked.
My sister-in-law, Cheryl Hayes. She came on Wendnesday and stayed through the weekend. She was right there to do anything that needed to be done, from laundry, to babysitting, to washing incredible amounts of dishes (we bought dishes for the reception). I couldn't have done it without you, Cheryl.
My little brother Dennis, without whome we would have had no power. He is an electrician and ran the power from our barn to the reception site on the hill above our house. He also was there to help all day on Saturday doing everything from helping to build a dance floor to stringing lights, and putting up a tent for the caterer. Thank you little brother, you are a special, special person.
Gina, Dennis's wife. She was there to help make flower arrangements for all the tables, help me remember all the little details, direct the wedding, and generally be a support person. Thank you Gina for being my friend.
My Dad and Step-mom, Susan. I don't even know where to start. My dad is the kind of person who just jumps in and does what needs to be done. Susan is just like him. They were so great to babysit, to cook, and anything else we needed. Dad spent the better of the day with Dennis puting up the catererers tent. Thanks Dad.
All you kids. Desire', Jeninca, Divon, Johnny, Dominique. For carrying chairs, putting out tables, and generally being workhorses without a lot of thanks. We love you.
My mom. Thanks for listening when I complained. Thanks for keeping my kids when I need to go to Athens or Anderson or wherever else I needed to go at the time. I love you.
My kids who put up with a lot over these last few months. I was gone alot, complained more than I should, and was not always the patient loving mom that I needed to be because of letting the stress get to me. You guys are the sunshine of my life.
And last but not least, my wonderful husband. I love you more than words can say. You have spent more money than you wanted but shrugged it off because you knew that your daughter's wedding was more important than a vacation. You spent a whole week building an outhouse because that's what she wanted rather than a portajon. You took endless trips to town to get supplies, figured out how to do all the impossible things your wife and daughter asked of you, and kept a good humor most of the time. Watching you dance with her during the father-daughter dance made me so very, very proud of you. Thank you for putting up with me, for loving Cassie anyway, and for being my very best friend.

Well, for now, that's about it. Life starts a new turn. Wonder where we'll go next.....

I just read Deb Crawford's blog and I have to say I agree with everything she said about the service and the new building this morning. It was awesome! I felt such an air of expectancy. So much excitement! I am so looking forward to the new year and new beginnings!
These last couple of years have been kinda tough spiritually for me. I've made some mistakes, learned how very human I am, and generally have found myself looking up from the bottom of some deep well. But, I think I'm on the way up. I can't promise I'll never make mistakes again or that I will always make the wisest choices, but I know more now WHY not to give in to my humanness so readily. Do you find that you're really quick to defend yourself? That you can't just say, "It's my fault, please forgive me" and really mean it? Why as a Christian do I have such problems with that? I realized today that I get really angry when my husband won't do that but then in getting angry I was doing the very same thing myself. I didn't want to admit my fault because I thought he ought to admit his. We are so quick to justify! At least I am. Just when I think I have arrived and have become so spiritually aware and very willing to sacrifice, I do something really foolish and selfish and prove again how desperately I need a savior!

New Year Musings

Today is New Year's eve. Somehow, I just can't get too excited about the start of another year. I know some folks get all dressed up, stay up late and really celebrate, but I just seem to be too tired to do all that anymore. I hope it's just that I still have small children at 44 yrs old.
When we got pregnant with the twins in 2001, Hal Winderweedle said to Frank "What were you thinking?!" Sometimes, I feel the same way. Don't misunderstand me, I wouldn't trade any of my children but my kids demand a lot of energy. Energy I just don't seem to have right now. But, I have learned over the years that the times I just don't have the capacity to cope are the times that the Lord uses to draw me close and teach me the things I won't hear under better circumstances. Wouldn't it be great if we could just look and learn? Not having to experience to live it out in our own life? I tell my children to listen to someone who's older and hopefully a little wiser (myself?) and learn from my experiences and mistakes. Ha! Who am I kidding? I am chief among sinners. I don't listen either. God has taken the experience of child rearing and used it as a hot house for me. Forced growth. I must say it is somewhat painful, but extremely humbling and rewarding. I have so much farther to go, but it is not as far as it used to be.

I have kept a journal off and on through the years and have found it to be therapeutic and a great way to reflect on my life. I haven't taken the time in the last couple of years. I think it shows. I need time to reflect. I need to examine my emotions and my thoughts on paper. When I don't, I tend to lose myself. I forget who I am. I forget why I'm here, why I get up every morning. I just start existing. I start to forget the most important things and start living from the urgent to the urgent. While my primary job here on this earth at the moment is to keep a home, my primary job is not to keep house. When I look around at strewn clothing and shoes, I tend to forget that the people who strew these items are the reason I am here. I am not here to impress anyone with my spotless house,(not that that would ever happen) but to love and grow these little people into responsible adults. Yes, sometimes that means having them pick up, but I must remember to lovingly teach them, not berate them and make them feel like they don't measure up. I finally realized after years of feeling as though I didn't "measure up" that God doesn't measure me by my standard. He measures Jesus in me and he always, always measures up. That's not to say that I don't have responsibility, it's just that he doesn't love or not love me based on what I do or don't do. I have a tendency to tell my children by my actions that my love is less when they do not please me. Why do I do that? I find myself trying to manipulate them by my anger. What absurdity! The goal I am trying to reach is love!! How in the world could I ever achieve this by my anger? Help me see myself as I really am!